Social Media Is Unsustainable
(For me anyway) I can’t keep doing this
The young YouTuber girl I was watching one Sunday said something that I’ve heard others like her say many times before, but in that moment, it hooked me in a new way — in the form of a revelation.
She spoke about feeling unconfident with her work and herself, feeling like a failure, and the pressure to keep up with the ever-changing internet standards. I like this girl, so I felt especially sorry for her, but it also reminded me why I dislike social media in all its forms so deeply (despite having used them for almost a decade of my life).
Commodification & objectification of normal people
Now that social media is less about connecting with others and more about striving for monetary or social gain, I’ve noticed that normal people like myself aspire to amass some kind of following so that they can ~be somebody~. And I can’t blame them…we’ve all noticed that social media influencers are becoming a class of their own (but one that is still upperclass adjacent), and we want a piece of that fantasy.
It’s all turned into a big business, a numbers game. There’s strategy underneath the relatable exterior. And if you aren’t a creator, you’re a consumer who can become emboldened to make demands without consideration for the real human being on the other side of the screen. It’s like being rude to a customer service representative when they’re just trying to do their job. I suppose it’s the exact same since influencers are essentially being paid to entertain their audience.
It’s all so absurd, isn’t it?
The “personal brand” phenomenon
Even if you aren’t an official, blue-check influencer, as an everyday person you still feel this faint pressure to construct a brand for yourself.
You present certain parts of yourself to your followers: your interests, your beliefs, your niche humor. You may think you’re being authentic, but it’s just one side that people see. And after a while, you subconsciously steer clear of posting or liking things that don’t quite fit with the other pieces you’ve assembled of your online persona.
It’s so important to us (whether you realize it or not) but we’re not even getting paid for it like the influencers are. All we get is self-hatred and anxiety. Maybe that’s why normal people try so earnestly to become social media famous — because then at least all those awful feelings of depression and inadequacy would have been worth it once that first sponsorship check comes in.
Personally, my heart would start pounding and my breath would get short every time I was about to post a picture of myself to my Instagram account. But despite these physical reactions, I pushed through them because “I needed to show people that I was alive!” Of course, going through those anxious episodes meant nothing once I eventually deleted the picture for fear of being seen and possibly judged.
In no way am I famous or influential, but still I was deeply concerned with how others would perceive me as if I were.
Her grip is tight
I always harp on social media and what it does to myself and others. But in the past I would eventually return to a platform like Twitter after a few weeks away. But this time, I really reflected on what exactly I was gaining from social media.
If I wasn’t being paid by sponsors to post or even followed and interacted with by a thousand or so people, then what was I still doing there? Sure, I see a few funny posts that make me laugh, or an insightful quote/piece of theory that I screenshot, but I forget about it two seconds later when the next thing shows up. And often times, that next thing would be something really negative or upsetting.
I deleted my Twitter and Tumblr (huh? Yea, she’s still around) apps since all they provided was a quick distraction for when my guppy brain got bored during a Netflix show. However, I do still have Instagram — but that’s for business! *crowd boos and throws tomatoes* Hey, I’m unemployed and trying to make some money, okay? That’s capitalism! And everyone knows Instagram is basically the new Etsy so…
But you see? Social media is so pervasive that it’s a little hard to wean yourself off of it completely. Still, I feel that even the vague possibility of earning cash from a *gags* side hustle won’t be enough to keep me engaged with Instagram or any social media platform for much longer.
Final thoughts & a deep sigh
I know social media can be fun and even instrumental to making waves and big changes in the world, but when I zoom in a little more, I can see that what social media is fundamentally is not something that will serve me and my personal growth. Not anymore.
The people I care about are all in my phone’s address book, and they’re only a text away. I don’t have to post a cute picture to know that they love and support me. And I’m lucky that I have some funny friends to make me laugh (who will send me memes or TikToks anyway).
I just want to be more intentional with my life. I’m only 23 but I don’t want to have to unlearn the need to perform for others later down the line. I want to live for myself, first and foremost. I need to get to know her better…phones down at the table type beat.
Wish me luck. I’m going to touch grass for the first time in ten years today!
