Shh! I’m recognizing patterns
I have nothing to say but that won’t stop me from blogging!
This is just me popping in for a second on tha Hot Blog to say hello! Where the hell have I been, loca? I have been working like an adult and listening to The 1975’s new album on repeat while avoiding socializing with my friends, that’s where! It was bitterly cold for a few days and my body was preparing itself for hibernation (fine by me!). But it was just a fluke and now the temperatures are back in the 50s…still just want to hang out by myself, though.
The cold months are perfect for writers and hot bloggers (read: loners) like me because that means we have plenty of time to write. I did start writing a new short story at the start of the month but of course that energy sputtered out. I will finish it, I promise. I always do. Maybe next month. *shakes head*
I have been writing a lot, just not on Medium. So, where are all my grand ideas? In the pages of my now completely filled journal! I’ve had many an epiphany over these past few months, but my first impulse wasn’t to blog about it. The journal, the .38 Muji pen, it’s all right there in front of me…so no, you all did not have the privilege of reading my groundbreaking realizations and insights in real time. Social media has spoiled us immensely.
The realizations and insights weren’t that amazing but one big epiphany I had about myself was that…
…on some deep level, I crave the destruction of things in my life. I crave drastic change, like The Tower card-level change (tarot girlies know what I mean). I realized that I don’t register transition unless it is abrupt and dramatic. I’m so impatient and I want my personal evolution to happen as quickly as I can create a new Pinterest board or binge watch a series on Netflix. I’m obsessed with transformation — that’s just me being a Scorpio rising with my Pluto in the 1st House (astrology girlies know what I mean). But it’s very real. I crave tearing everything I’ve built down and starting fresh as a completely new version of myself. That prospect is so deeply enticing to me. Mmm, death and rebirth, yummy!
However, making any drastic moves like that at this point in my life would not be wise. So, that can only be a fantasy. But yea, that was something that came to light for me recently.
What do I do with that? How do I satisfy the dragon inside me that wants to destroy everything for the sake of regeneration — or a little excitement even? I don’t know, loca. I don’t know.
Anyway, I think I’ll post bits of an old story that I wrote during the summer of 2019. I should really make better use of my new members-only status by actually posting my fiction here. I mean that’s the only reason I’m paying the fee: to have a place to showcase my writing…to have a home of some kind for it.
Somehow I am both the parents who are paying for their adult child’s rent and the adult child who barely stays in the place that they are paying for. But if we’re going to extend that metaphor, I do have a tendency to abandon my children once I’ve given birth to them. And then I am shocked! when I return to them and they haven’t matured into well-adjusted adults who are ready to be seen by the rest of the world.
Well, mommy’s tired. I’ll transfer a large sum of money into your accounts to make up for it in the meantime…see you next year, darlings.